Ican still smell the cigarette smoke in that boardroom, the kind that trails behind a person like a signature. Carolyn’s signature.

This was early 90s, Beverly Hills. I had just started my first “real” job in the banking industry. My English was patchy at best, my nerves even worse. I had landed the role thanks to a woman named Terry Kiss who saw something in me.

So I learned to watch. Closely. Language was hard, but people made sense if you paid attention.

I didn’t know it then, but I was becoming a student of influence, the quiet kind you don’t notice right away because it doesn’t need to prove itself.

And that’s how I started noticing Carolyn.

She was the VP of Operations. Tall, graceful, always composed. The kind of presence that resembled journalist Gayle King. Steady. Centered. Effortlessly dignified.

But what struck me most was what she didn’t do. She didn’t jockey for airtime. She didn’t interrupt or grandstand or push her point. While everyone else spoke over one another, she sat still — the ever-present spiral of her cigarette smoke the only indication she was even paying attention.

And then, when things would get heated or start veering off course, she’d speak. Gentle. Curious. Disarming.

“Did you really mean that?”
“What’s really at stake here?”
“Could we look at this another way?”

Her words didn’t demand attention. They invited it.

I watched how people responded. Even the big personalities softened. They’d pause, reflect, sometimes backtrack. Her questions shifted the current in the room, steering conversations in ways no one else could.

That’s when I began to see: influence didn’t have to look like volume or certainty. It could look like curiosity, with an edge of empathy and wisdom.

Carolyn had it. And I wanted to learn it.

The Most Influential Person in the Room?

I didn’t have a name for what I was watching back then. I just knew I wanted to be more like Carolyn.

Years later — after grad school, after starting my own company, after coaching leaders across industries and countries — I would start to see what Carolyn was modeling with such elegance:

She wasn’t just being thoughtful. She was practicing Strategic Curiosity and a subtler form of Strategic Storytelling — Structural Skills that too often get overlooked in favor of flashier traits.

Not curiosity for curiosity’s sake, but the kind that slows down a conversation just long enough to ask a better question. The kind that nudges a room back into integrity and sees under the surface without needing to make a scene.

And here’s what surprises me still:

We talk a lot about leadership presence. About executive decision-making. About communication under pressure. But we don’t talk nearly enough about the quality of someone’s questions or the human strengths that make those questions possible.

Strategic Curiosity Isn’t a Personality Trait.

It’s a structural strength. One that’s becoming more essential by the day. Especially now, when we’re living in a moment where AI can generate responses in seconds.

We don’t need faster answers. What we need are better questions.

And not just in boardrooms. We need them in classrooms and clinics. In community meetings and family conversations. Anywhere humans gather to make decisions that matter.

That’s why Strategic Curiosity is the first of ten Structural Skills I’ll be unpacking in this series.

Because in a world that often rewards noise and certainty, we need more leaders who can listen more than they speak, and then ask questions with empathy and curiosity.

What Is Strategic Curiosity?

Strategic Curiosity is the ability to transform confusion into clarity and clarity into action. It helps you cut through chaos and locate the signal in the noise.

But it also requires restraint, asking you to sit in the tension a little longer and resist the urge to fix, fill, or finish someone else’s sentence.

It’s what turns a moment of disagreement into an opening, rather than a shutdown. You’ve probably felt it before… when someone asks a question that makes the whole room pause. Not because it’s clever, but because it’s precise. Humble. Courageous. The kind of question that brings us back to what’s important.

5 Gentle Ways to Start Practicing Strategic Curiosity

Consider these five small shifts I’ve used and shared with leaders over the years. They are not checkboxes but invitations to nurture your strategic curiosity. Think of it as a muscle that grows the more you exercise it.

1. Start a “Curiosity Sprint” Journal

Every morning, write down one question you don’t have answers for. Commit ten focused minutes to exploring it without jumping to a solution.

2. Take Curiosity Breaks

In the middle of a high-stakes conversation, pause and ask:

• “What are we missing?”

• “What could go wrong?”

• “Who else should be weighing in?”

But don’t forget: your body is part of the conversation too. You may be asking the right questions, but if your posture tightens or your face signals resistance, others will feel it. Curiosity isn’t just about what you say. It’s what you signal. And its power comes from sincerity, something we can’t fake.

3. Use AI as a Brainstorm Partner

This isn’t about letting the machine think for you. It’s about letting it stretch the way you think. Try asking your favorite AI tool:

• “What perspectives am I not considering?”

• “What’s an uncommon counterargument?”

• “What could go wrong or be misinterpreted?”

Then sift through the responses like a miner looking for gold.

4. Invite an Outsider’s Perspective

Ask someone outside your immediate circle to review your project, pitch, idea, or perspective. Fresh eyes often spot blind spots we’ve stopped noticing.

5. Ask Better Follow-Up Questions

Instead of saying “Got it,” try:

• “What’s the assumption here?”

• “Tell me more?”

• “How else could this be understood?”

Your curiosity signals engagement and draws out wisdom that’s often lost in the noise.

Own the Quiet Skill That Holds the Room

I didn’t know it at the time, but watching Carolyn work was the beginning of my real education. Not academic. But on human behavior, trust and quiet influence.

She taught me that the most powerful person in the room isn’t the one who has all the answers.

And now, decades later, as AI reshapes the way we work, learn, and lead, I find myself returning to that boardroom more often. To the silence that followed her voice and the temperature of the room shifting.

That’s what Strategic Curiosity can give you:

• A way to lead without dominating.

• A way to slow down the noise long enough to notice what actually matters.

• A way to keep our humanity intact in an increasingly automated world.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to download the first installment of the Structural Skills Field Guide and start a conversation with your group. It’s one of ten, one-page overview sheets to reflect on the essential human strengths I believe will define leadership in the era of AI.

And remember:

Structural Skills are neither soft nor optional. They are essential.

By Maria Keckler, Ph.D.

PS: I’m Maria, I’m on a mission to future-proof human strengths with the structural skills we need in a AI-powered world. If this resonated, connect with me on LinkedIn or at JustOnePivot.com. Let’s keep growing together.

And, if you are looking for support to elevate your Structural Skills and stand above the competition, reach out here to schedule a free strategy call.

This piece is part of The Structural Skills Project — a movement to reframe so-called “soft skills” as the essential human strengths that set us apart in an AI-powered world.

It’s also part of the Structural Skills Field Guide: 10 Human Strengths That Set You Apart — a practical, story-driven series for Bridge Builders: leaders, educators, and change-makers who lead with clarity, courage, and adaptability.